Is This Thing On?

“You Matter, I Promise”
By Tray Taylor
IG @allusiontoreality

This past month has been excruciatingly hard for a number of reasons. I’ve been getting by this year at a “meh” pace – but these past few weeks I have felt on the edge of crumbling.

And today, well, I almost felt as if I was drowning.

Side note: I’ve struggled with depression the majority of my life and as the years go on anxiety is finding its way into my life too. Not to mention the herniated discs/on-going back issues I’ve had since 23 (when I said I was an old soul, I wasn’t expecting my body to follow suit).

Anyway – it has been a bumpy journey and it has felt like the cycle just won’t stop. And I know I am not alone in any of this, which is why I felt compelled to write this post.

This afternoon I reached a breaking point and I knew I needed to do something.

So, I went outside to clear my head and get some fresh air. For a brief moment I stood beneath my favorite tree just across the street from my apartment that turns beaming bright orange this time of year.

My moment of re-centering

I have felt defeated, voiceless, uncertain, and heavy lately- but in that moment I felt at peace.

After that brief moment of joy – I continued on my walk, turned my headphones up, went back to overthinking just about everything, and strolled to the store to pick up some wine.

So, I lend this moment to you. To everyone who has felt a bit scattered, alone, or just not themselves lately.

Allow yourself a moment to feel and re-center. Whatever that may look like.

(And I’d like to share with ya’ll the song that always seems to soothe my soul in moments such as these … *Joni Mitchell – River*)

One thought on “Is This Thing On?

  1. I just want you to know that there is hope in your dark times, I too suffer from depression, mine is caused by the grief and loss of my parents and beloved dog, When my Dixie passed, during the process I thought my world would end, I never really delt with grief well, I don’t have many friends or family to get it off my chest, so I tend to keep it in, Things that depression caused in my life are the dark thoughts, and at one point in time I stopped eating and caring for myself to the point where I would also stop showing, I felt what’s the point going on when my loved ones are gone. But again when Dixie passed, Of course, I suffered, tears and the pain of realizing she’s no longer with me, but for the first time, I did something about it, joined some Facebook groups, I shared her story, and also heard many others, I have some kind of outlet now, I also blog my thoughts and feelings, something I never did before, I feel like Dixie’s passing in a way inspired it, Again, don’t beat yourself up, find an outlet, rather its writing, music, or groups, anything to make gets it out, I think locking it in is what depression feeds off of. and to answer your question, Yes its on, and I read what you wrote, I wish you nothing but the best, You are special, You are You! and there’s only ONE YOU! Take Care! 🙏❤

    Like

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