Tag Archives: lgbtq

When Life Gives You Lemons, Make a List

Sometimes life gets in the way. 

I found myself deeply involved in trying to plan the four day extravangzAaa (the obnoxious way I titled our Google Doc of trip ideas) last week that I realized I forgot to write. 

When I travel by myself or with my partner, one of the things I enjoy doing is to research the location. I’m not the kind of person that NEEDS to stick to the itinerary, I’m too much of a “type B” person for that. I am the kind of person that NEEDS and WANTS to do research beforehand for maximum fun. For me it is part of the excitement- like the pregame to the vacation. 

The funny thing is I have a few of these Google Docs created from trips we were supposed to take in 2020 which sadly sit there because well…you know, the pandemic that happened and is still going on.

So, this four day extravangzAaa was actually a last minute change to a road trip to Louisville we were going to take because everything else is ridiculously expensive right now because EVERYONE is trying to travel at the moment. We decided for safety and excitement reasons to switch it up to day trips that would excite us instead. 

Aside from feeling distracted lately, there are a list of things that I have compiled to share with you all about the things that have been bringing me intentional happiness:  

  • Grouplove on vinyl
    As pretentious as it sounds to some… I enjoy listening to certain artists on vinyl more than any other format.

  • Reality TV is BACK: Big Brother and Live Feeds
    I have a deep love for this show. When I was introduced to it back in season 18 I went back and binge watched previous seasons (well the ones worth watching) and jumped on the Live Feed bandwagon. The cast this season is the best that the show has had in a long time and I’ve been loving every second of it.

  • Reality TV is BACK: Real Housewives of Potomac
    I never thought I would watch any season of the Real Housewives franchise, but there is just something about Potomac. The new season just started and although I was sad not to see Monique – I am so ready for the new cast member Mia. My favorite part of this show will forever and always be Ashley Darby’s facial expressions though.

  • Signed up for Masterclass
    This has been a fantastic investment. I’ve only completed Shonda Rhimes’ so far, but it has been informative and the Shonda Rhimes fan in me was geeking out the whole time. I look forward to taking some other classes as well. One thing of the few things I gained was the importance of character development. So, if you are curious about TV writing, a writer filled with curiosity, or a fan of Shonda – go sign up for Masterclass.

  • Tweet, tweet
    I had a twitter way back in my twenties that I got rid of because no one ever needs to hear the thoughts of early twenty year old me (much like my tumblr). Anyway, I realized that a solid way to try to build an audience was to introduce my writer self to twitter. Follow me if you’re on the bird app – tracitaywrites.

  • Food 4 Thot:
    I love this podcast, like a lot..and since I’m not walking to work right now. I find myself listening to this when I am cleaning my apartment because it gets me to actually clean. They are like my sprinkle of Queerness ear candy in the pile of true crime podcasts I listen to.

  • Little Free Library 
    One of my favorite new things to do is walk around my neighborhood and drop off some of my old beloved books in the Little Free Libraries. It de-clutters my apartment, makes room on my bookshelf (for MORE books of course), and spreads some great literature to folks looking to read more!

  • Iced Coffee Walks 
    I am loving my relaxed summer mornings going out and walking to get an iced coffee. Some days they spark inspiration, most days they just spike my energy level.

That’s all for now, as I go back to distracting myself to everyday life and daydreaming of wishing I still lived by the ocean while I bare this DC humidity for another summer.

A Writer is a Writer

What makes a writer a writer? Does it matter if they are published? Is it possible to call yourself a writer if you aren’t? Are you a writer if you simply write everyday? Is there a requirement that one must write everyday to be a writer?

Sometimes I think artists of any craft are the hardest on themselves. Perhaps it is the way our brains are wired. 

These are thoughts I have been pondering lately as I make a bolder mark on the world with my voice as a writer. 

Whenever I feel lost in my determination, I think back to this particular quote by a writer named Adam Gnade, “Everyone’s a “writer” between the ages of 16 and 22 because everyone at that age is a romantic. This is okay. The key is to keep doing it after the rest of them quit.”

That quote comes from one of his short essay books entitled Do It Yourself Guide to Fighting the Big F**king Sad. 

“Everyone Good is Necessary”-Adam Gnade ,Photograph by Traci Taylor

Part of me believes if you consider yourself a writer – then you are in fact a writer. Similarly to most things in life, don’t let other people try to label what you are. 

If we learned anything from experiencing a pandemic it is that we were almost forced to get to know ourselves and what we want out of life. Or you just felt stuck with yourself and it was a really frightening experience. I’d like to note…one that we are all frankly still experiencing despite the overwhelming return back to a “new normal”. 

What I found within myself during that time was a re-exploration of the writer in me. For years I called myself an aspiring writer, too shy to claim the sole title of writer itself. I recreated a website focusing on the things I love the most (MUSIC, MOVIES, TV, ALL THINGS GAY) and donned myself a writer. 

There are still many times when I feel lost and I need to recenter myself. I either go for a walk and listen to Jim Croce or I return back to that Adam Gnade quote. 

Whatever you decide your calling in life is, if you are already doing or creating – you are already on your way. 

Let me know below in a comment what are some of the things that help you to recenter yourself.

Summertime is Here Again

Summer had a greater meaning to my life when I was younger

Cape May, NJ Beach Photograph by Traci Taylor

-Spending all day at the beach 
-My birthday season (yes I am a Leo sun) 
-The opening of our backyard pool (yes, that meant pool parties)
-Family BBQ’s in the backyard with corn that we would shuck from Legates
-Endless bike rides to the bay just to coast down the big hill
-Wishing oh so badly that my Dad believed in air conditioning
-My hometown going from complete ghost town to overcrowded tourist central
-Nights at the Wildwood Boardwalk

Living in a couple of different cities for almost ten years I can say one thing, summer does not have the same feeling or meaning for me. Give me any of the other three seasons, please – because summertime in the city is not ideal compared to having the privilege of living near the beach in the summer. 

This summer more than ever I find myself trying to rediscover music I used to listen to that reminds me of having my windows down in my Jeep driving all over town. 

I tried so hard to get out of that small town, and now I would give anything to travel back in time to live another summer day in Cape May.

Here’s a taste of music that pulls me right back in to those summertime memories:

Diamonds and Coal – Incubus

There was a whole summer in my late teens where I would only listen to Incubus. I had a deep infatuation with Brandon Boyd. So, for me when I think of summer time music I think back to Incubus and the times my best friend and I went to see them in concert. 

Bad Fish – Sublime

Yes, I had a very long phase of deeply loving Sublime. I had almost every album and a poster up on my bedroom door. There was a time in high school when my friend and I were on the bus coming home from an away lacrosse game singing this song obnoxiously loud (the rest of the team was not thrilled). When I think of the summer and driving around in my old forest green jeep grand cherokee sport – I think of blaring Sublime driving to see the sunset at the bay with my windows down. 

Blue Sky – Allman Brothers Band

I’ve always self proclaimed myself to be an old soul. The music I mainly loved growing up was from the 60s and 70s. By the time I was a teenager I had a fascination with jam bands and hippie culture. The Allman Brothers were very high on my list of songs I loved to listen to on a cool summer day.

Sweet Honey – Slightly Stoopid

When you grow up living by the beach I think it is almost mandatory to have a love for “beach music”. Slightly Stoopid has the same kind of musical vibe as bands like Sublime, Pepper, and G. Love. Light hearted music that makes you wish you were spending days upon days just soaking in the sun on the beach.

The Wheel – Grateful Dead

My love for the Grateful Dead is intense. I’ve seen Bob, Phil, and the Dead in concert many many times – but sadly never Jerry. Those concerts really are unlike anything you would ever experience at another musical event. A community of Dead Heads come together to enjoy music and just dance. My favorite part was always the before when people just hang out before the concert – you meet some great folks at these events. I heard them perform this song and it has always stuck in my memory as one of the most memorable performances I had seen of theirs.

Jamming – Bob Marley

The love and appreciation I have for Bob Marley and his sons is one I could probably never find the exact words for. I admire his music and his story – I had many of his albums. As I grew older though, I started to appreciate the music his sons were creating more so. There is poetry to his music and you can hear how he sings from his soul in almost all of his songs.

The Traffic Jam – Stephen and Damian Marley

The song this album is off of by Stephen Marley is one of my favorite albums. This is not the acoustic version, but I highly recommend listening to the entire acoustic version of this album. I had it on repeat growing up. Fun fact – I was lucky enough to see these two perform on South Street when I was a senior in high school. At the time it felt so surreal to see the two of them in person, and it was a spectacular performance.

Your Love – Dirty Heads feat Ky-mani Marley

This is the ultimate – drink in hand, sand beneath your feet, and nothing but ocean for miles in front of you kind of song. A reminder of late nights with friends and sun burns I would much rather forget.

Baby’s Got Sauce – G Love and the Special Sauce

G Love’s music reminds me of high school summer nights and an age I don’t want to go back to – but I’d relive the carefree-ness of it all if I could. This song is a little playful, and is really meant to be listened to in times of joyous celebration. Fun fact – G Love is actually an alum to a school in Philly that I used to work at, and I didn’t know that until after I moved on to work at a another school.

Try (Just a Little Bit Harder) Janis Joplin

The time to listen to Janis is in any season, but I used to prefer to listen to her music in the summertime. Her voice is out of this world incredible and there’s no one else like her (and I cringe at the Amy Winehouse comparisons, so don’t even try).

Zebra – John Butler Trio

John Butler trio is definitely one of those laid back, beach vibes kind of tunes to listen to. This is one of my favorite songs, but “Ocean” the live version is worth a listen to. Every setting in life has a soundtrack if you think about it and music just like this is what goes along with summers at the beach.


Touch of Grey – Grateful Dead

One of the more high energy Grateful Dead songs that is highly ranked for me. This song was definitely one I had blaring out of my Jeep many many times. When my first nephew was born I used to sing this to him often and it would always get him to smile. He is about to turn six in a couple of weeks and that makes me feel older than I realize. It also makes me realize how fast time can go in a blink of an eye. Somehow though, it still feels like just yesterday I was riding around listening the Grateful Dead either planning a night with friends, headed to the beach, headed to a show, or going to work a double at work. Good ol’ summer days in Cape May.

What are somethings that remind you of summer?

Cape May Beach, NJ Photograph by Traci Taylor

Queer TV Characters That I Love and You Need to Know

Pop culture is everything to me. 

To me, pop culture is: everything relating to television, movies, celebrities, music, and the history of it all…rather broad, but you get the picture, right?

There are few things I love more than television. 

credit: wifflegif

Too many underrated television characters, particularly Queer, that don’t get enough recognition for how memorable they are. So often the same LGBTQ shows get highlighted along with the same characters over and over again. 

I have taken it upon myself to share with you all the gems of the Queer TV character icons that I adore.

Elektra (Pose) 

At first Elektra was not my favorite character on this show, not even close. Then I re watched season one and recognized her for the true icon of a character she is. The latest and final season really gave us a glimpse into the depths of Elektra (which was also probably my favorite episode of this latest season). Let me be honest though, Elektra wouldn’t be Elektra if it wasn’t the fabulous Dominique Jackson playing her. 

Jake Rodriguez
(Tales of the City 2019) 

Image from metro.co.uk

I love the majority of the characters in the most recent adaptation of Tales of the City (based off of the series of books by Armistead Maupin) and the actors who play them. For me though, it is the depth of Jake’s character and his journey throughout the miniseries that made him stand out for me. The actor who plays Jake in Tales of the City, Garcia, really has a way of making you fall in love with their character…or maybe that was just me. 

Alice (The L Word) 

Everyone may think of Shane or Bette or Tina or Bette and Tina when they think of the L Word…but without Alice, would there even be an L word? There is so much to love about Alice with her humor and quirks. She loves hard, really hard and there is something relatable about that. Leisha Hailey is a gem, and she continues to portray Alice in the L Word Generation Q where she is still just as lovable as ever. 

Noah (Noah’s Arc) 

Image from towleroad

Noah’s Arc was actually a quarantine binge last year from my partner and I. Neither of us had ever seen the show before, but got instantly hooked and then instantly sad because there are only two seasons (and you can no longer get the movie that follows it up). All of the characters within the show are likeable, but Noah is a stand out in my eyes. Darryl Stephens portrays Noah in a way that you are always hoping things work out for him in the end. 

Marco (Degrassi) 

Too often the Canadian show about ALL the teen issues to ever happen and I mean ALL of them goes forgotten. Unless of course you remember where Drake really started from or you watched his latest “I’m Upset” video where fans of Degrassi got the brief reunion we all desperately, secretly, yearn for. I don’t think it would be possible for me to write a list of TV Queer icons without mentioning Marco. He was my introduction to a younger gay person learning to discover, accept themselves, and be proud of who they are. 

Alice (Good Trouble)

Yes, another Alice. This may be just because I love Sherry Cola (the actor who portrays Alice), but ultimately she is one of the greatest current Queer characters on TV right now. Alice is charming, funny, and quirky (there must be something in the character name). For me, when a character feels like you wish they were your best friend in real life – you know the writing & actor portraying the character have done their jobs. 

Kay
(Banana ep 6 ..also featured in
Cucumber eps 7 & 8) 

This is really just because I love T’Nia and everything she ever acts in (Also see her in two of my personal favorites – Years & Years and Bly Manor). There’s this Queer butterfly flutter that happens when you watch an actor in a Queer role and then also discover they themselves are Queer…that definitely happened for me after watching the episodes with Kay in them. 

Emmett (Queer as Folk US) 

Queer as Folk may be outdated in many many things, but there is no denying how lovable Emmett is. After I finally sat down to watch the series a couple of years back, each episode always left me wishing Emmett was my best friend. Once again, when this happens in a show you know the job was done right. Plus, the actor who portrays Emmett also created one of my favorite shows The Fosters which also brought us Good Trouble (remember Alice from earlier in the list?)…see everything comes full circle. 

Micah (L Word Generation Q) 

One of my graduation gifts from grad school last year was a cameo from Leo Sheng who potrays Micah in the L Word Generation Q…because my partner knows how he is my favorite new character in the reboot series. I geeked out to say the least. The character of Micah brings so much joy to the new series – between his friendship relations and his romantic relations …he really is the most likeable, relatable new character in Generation Q. 

Titus
(Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt) 

Last but certainly not least..because there was no order to this list. The comedy, the broadway-esque spontaneity, the radiance…he really is a stand out character throughout the entire series. Not to mention a loyal friend to Kimmy through and through. Without Tituss Burgess the character of Titus Andromedon would not be as flawlessly spectacular as he is.

Who are some of your favorite Queer TV Characters? I would love to hear, let me know below in the comments!

Sunsets, Sunrises, & Relaxation

There are many times I try to find ways to center myself through meditation or just listening to music. This week I learned a 4-7-8 breathing technique from my therapist that I found helpful in the moment. 

First you inhale through your nose for 4 seconds, hold that breath in for 7 seconds, and then exhale through your mouth for 8 seconds. I repeated this about four times – and felt my anxiety sort of melt away. This isn’t a guaranteed fix and I am no expert – but when I learn things that I find helpful for me, I think it is important to share just in case it may help someone else along the way. 

Watching sunsets or sunrises used to be my favorite calming activity that left me feeling a sense of relief and hope. I often miss seeing those sights in my old South Philly apartment and definitely miss the beauty of a Cape May sunset in my hometown. 

Which is why I take so many sunset/sunrise photos and the reason behind the photo wall in my apartment. Looking back over those photographs gives me a sense of comfort, almost like I feel at home when looking at them. 

Here are a few of my favorite sunset/sunrise photos I have captured with my commentary attached: 

North Cape May, NJ by the bay 2015

This photograph was taken the last time I went to see my Mom Mom before she got too sick. Looking back on this photo always gives me chills because it is one of my favorites for how exquisite the sky appears – but knowing what I know now it also feels like a reminder message to appreciate. This photo brings to mind a quote my Mom Mom used to say to me often, “Ya know those bumper stickers that say life’s a beach? Well they lied. Life’s a bitch, not a beach.”

4th and Washington, South Philly 2014

Without a doubt, this right here is one of my favorite photographs I have ever taken during my time living in Philly. I used to walk all around this city and I captured this on my walk home from a restaurant shift. As a person that grew up in a beach town, I consider myself able to say this… Philadelphia has some of the best sunsets I have ever laid my eyes on. With that being said, most things Philly remind me of Grouplove – and at the point in my life when I took this photo I used to play this band so much it got on a lot of peoples nerves.

Mifflin Street, Home Sweet Home 2015

I really loved this apartment because of the sunset and sunrise views I got. After living in the same house for 23 years of my life, knowing I could never return because it was sold – I never knew if I would feel the same sense of home again. I felt that deeply when living in this city and viewing this skyline everyday. It gave me a lot of hope and reminds me of this quote by Mary Oliver, “Instructions for living a life. Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.

Views from Seattle 2015

My spontaneous 25th “treat yo self” birthday present …one of the best decisions I ever made. A city I often dreamed about moving to since I was 13 or 15. Andrea Gibson one of my favorite poets has said, “Commit to loving yourself completely. It’s the most radical thing you will do in your lifetime.” That is what that trip and that fiery sunset photograph remind me of – to love oneself.

The View of a Mifflin St Sunset 2015

I wasn’t kidding when I said this view delivered sunsets and sunrises to photograph nonstop. In my early to mid twenties living in Philly, I did feel lost and unsure of what the future held – but seeing those bursts of color in the sky made everything seem okay. Sometimes I’d ask myself in Talking Heads fashion though, “How did I get here?”

Balcony South Philly Views 2016

Oh to have a private outside space in the city! And with sunset views that look like a painting? My Dad used to send me this song (Fall in Philadelphia by Hall and Oates) all the time when I lived in Philly, so naturally it is bound to jog my memory when looking at these glorious Philly photographs.

Portland Maine sunrise 2017

First trip to Portland, ME was a solo trip and I fell in love with this town. So much so that I made sure that one of the first trips my partner and I went on was to come back to Portland. This sunrise was a resetting of sorts, and beginnings were right around the corner that I didn’t know were coming yet. Whenever I need a bit of hope, I often will play some Rilo Kiley – that resonates deeply with this photo. A sunrise bringing on many new horizons.

NYC Christmas Eve 2018

The first Christmas I spent with my partner in NYC and it was absolutely magical. There really is a sunset for every special moment in life. After this view we went to dinner and then spent the majority of Christmas Eve in Cubbyhole when Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” came on. That song tends to follow us around, and when I look at this photo I think of my partner and our moments with that song.

Ocean City, MD at sunrise 2018

I grew up in Cape May, but my partner grew up going to Ocean City Maryland (which as someone from NJ that is not the Ocean City I knew). The sunrises we could see from the balcony were breathtaking. I remember during this time having lived in DC for about a year – really needing something to bring me back to myself. I didn’t appreciate sunrises or waking up early until I got a bit older. Truthfully I only ever get up early because of sunrises.

Sunrise Over South Philly 2015

No, this isn’t a painting…although it definitely looks like one. I remember rolling out of bed this morning and seeing how exquisite the sunrise was. I sat there trying to capture the vibrant colors. Hands down my favorite sunrise photo I ever captured living in this apartment. The song that started to play in my mind when looking back at this photo was “New Slang” by The Shins…no clue why, but it seemed right.

South of Spruce Street Harbor Sunset, 2016

Every now and again I would walk from South Philly up to the waterfront right around the time the sun would be setting. Growing up by the ocean I often feel compelled to seek out bodies of water as a sense of comfort or reminder that things flowing along in life as they should be. This sunset was one that brought me reassurance. In the words of Mary Oliver, “I don’t ask for the sights in front of me to change, only the depth of my seeing.” Although plot twist, the sights did change because I ended up in DC the following year.

Born & Raised: Cape May Beach Sunset 2014

Last, but not least and with a classic old Instagram frame added to it as well. This was taken during my first trip back visiting my hometown after my childhood home sold and I moved to Philly. I longboarded down to the beach front from my old work place where I was visiting some old friends just to capture this sunset. My love for sunsets all stem from where I was born and raised – it is often how I hold on to that piece of me as I exist in other places in the world. You’re welcome in advance for this old Al Alberts classic…I guess I love my lil ol’ hometown in NJ more than I like to admit sometimes.

*please contact me for permission to use any photographs or if you would like a print*

Songs to Ease Your Mind

With the way of the world currently it feels important to state this message very clearly: Protect Trans Kids.
Art by: Tray Taylor
IG:: @allusiontoreality

There never seems to be enough time. 

I think that is something we have all felt before or something that we constantly feel. All in all, it may be easy to agree that even in a world where we were given “more time” at home …it still never feels like enough. 

In a year (more like well over a year) of added stress due to a global pandemic and a metaphorical world on fire around us… we should all just keep acting accordingly…right? 

No, no absolutely not. 

We all need space and time to breathe….AND be forgiving to ourselves & the people around us. 

I’ve tried to set a routine for myself a countless amount of times during this past year. Nothing has truly stuck. A few things I always find myself falling back on for centering though are meditation (shout out to the app Insight) and music. 

Here’s a list of songs to soothe your soul & mind: 

Time in a Bottle – Jim Croce

Have I mentioned how much I adore Jim Croce? I’m pretty sure I have, but I can’t gush about this man enough. His music is my favorite to listen to on vinyl. This song particularly gets me lost in his voice…wait wait, who am I kidding? Almost every song he sings I get lost in that gorgeously comforting soft as silk voice of his. In fact when I was trying to think of songs that made me feel calm or centered, I found myself humming this song instantly. Oh the magical power of a Jim Croce song…

Still Sound (instrumental) – Toro y Moi

Full disclosure, my introduction to Toro y Moi was the instrumental album. Which I quickly realized was actually just a re-release of the original lyrical album that was dropped a decade ago entitled The Difference. I stumbled upon Toro y Moi when I was looking for music that was going to soothe the anxiety I was feeling and somehow in my rabbit hole for searching for that perfect album….The Difference instrumental version was what I found. I fully intend to go back and listen to the lyrical version of the album, I just wanted the experience of listening to the instrumental first. For me, I was instantly blown away and of course Toro y Moi has been around for awhile – so I am a bit behind the times. If you are a fan and haven’t listened to the instrumental version of the album, I highly recommend checking it out in its entirety. This was a favorite, but it was pretty hard to pick just one track. 

You Were Meant for Me – Jewel

I once worked with a guy that loved Jewel…other fun facts about him: he also loved dinosaurs and had a vintage motorcycle. Part of me never really understood his deep appreciation for her music, but I think how much he would talk about it randomly every day made me understand the beauty in her songs a bit more. That friend of mine recently passed away a year or so back and I hadn’t spoken to him since we had worked together. Jewel’s songs have a calming spirit to them, but they not have an added meaning for me. In the chaos of life, when a Jewel song comes on – I get to think of my friend and I think that is part of the many facets of beauty that music holds. 

Simple as This – Jake Bugg 

I forget how much I love this song, until I rediscover it buried in one of my many playlists I have created. This is a song that is simply (no jokes intended there) joyful. Part of it is the sound of it makes it seem as if it is from the 60s or 70s when it actually was released in 2012. A real comforting tune for an old soul like myself. 

Place to Be – Nick Drake

Nick Drake for me has a voice that defies odds …because it is seemingly raspy yet soft all at the same time….which is truthfully an exquisite combination. Anyway, Nick is another artist I often find myself reverting back to when I just need to get work done or to calm my spirit. Place to Be is a favorite of mine because it is a song I can put on and get lost within without even realizing until the song has ended. I say all of that, because that is exactly what just happened when I had it playing.

California – Joni Mitchell

Something about this song that no matter the weather outside or the mood I am in – I am instantly elevated for three minutes and fifty seconds. Joni has a way of transporting the listener to a dream-like-state with this song. There is a powerful pull within the lyrics of the song and Joni’s captivating voice that can make a person believe there is sun on the horizon and everything will be okay in the end. Sure a cynic would say that it is just a song about California, but I’ve never been a fan of cynicism. 

Maybe these songs pulled you in and excited you enough to add them to a playlist. Maybe they encouraged you to revisit music that grounds you and makes you feel centered. 

In a world full of chaos, I wish you all to find whatever outlet will bring you comfort.

More Music to Add to Your Playlist

By Tray Taylor
IG: allusiontoreality

Here’s the thing with me and I’m assuming some other people out there – I didn’t mind not being able to socialize for an entire year. I loved not having to feel the pressure of flaking out on people simply because I did not have the energy. I didn’t feel a sense of guilt for having to come up with an excuse that I just wanted to go home to read a book, listen to music, or watch TV. 

I also know that this year has been really hard for my friends that get their charge from being around others. That’s just…so not me. 

There was no “hitting the wall” for me, except for that one time last month of March 2021 when I was like…I just wish I could go out dancing with my friends again. Then I woke up the next day and was happy to not have any plans on my calendar. 

This is no shade or anything to my friends that I love so much – I love you all deeply and enjoy spending time with you. I’m just a hermit and that’s the truth. 

I do a really stellar job to appear outgoing to most, but that’s all a facade – I promise. 

You know one thing that really recharges my energy?
You probably guessed by the title where this was going to go…yes, yep…it’s music! ….And it’s been far too long since I’ve shared with you what songs I’ve had on repeat lately. 

Through these long drawn out days of what has been so far a gorgeous spring…I offer you a few songs to add to your playlist: 

Starstruck – Years & Years 

This song is to be played when you want to cook dinner, have your own dance party, or that thing called exercise. I was beyond thrilled to see that Years & Years recently released this song, because it has been far too long since they’ve released new music. Olly Alexander was more so recently focused on acting and just starred in the latest Russell T Davies project, It’s a Sin. Which, if you haven’t seen yet – it’s a 5 episode miniseries focused on the AIDS crisis in the UK during the 80s and 90s within the view of 5 characters’ eyes. Highly recommended and available on HBO max. 

To the Class Of – Bleed the Rads (explicit)

I recently discovered this song when watching the romantic comedy Almost Love on Netflix (yes also go watch this lighthearted movie starring some spectacular underrated actors). The lyrics and composition of the song reminded me of a lot of music that I grew up on. I’m a sucker for nostalgia in the form of music, especially when I’m in a rut of sorts about where I am going in life. 

Obsessed – Mariah Carey

There’s just something about that opening line, “and I was like..why are you so obsessed with me” that has felt more appealing to say recently. Even when I’m not saying it to anyone and I’m sitting in a room by myself (okay…maybe all of this alone time during the pandemic has gotten to me). But also, I would never say that to anyone other than my good friends in a sarcastic tone. Anyway – this song is a forever bop.

Fight the Power Pts 1 & 2 – The Isley Brothers

Verzus recently had The Isley Brothers vs. Earth, Wind, and Fire and like..WOW four hours of legends ..it was totally worth staying up way past my bedtime to witness. Anyway, I was texting my Dad during it because I was introduced to both of these bands through him growing up. His response was to send me multiple different videos of some of his favorites. This was one of them.

Forget Me Nots – Patrice Rushen 

This is another song that I like to put on when I’m cooking or dancing in my apartment by myself. The kind of song that when it comes on is just an instant mood booster – I have a deep appreciation for songs that have the power to do that. Clearly it was such a hit that it was replicated for the Men in Black theme song in 1997. 

Can We Hang On – Cold War Kids

There will always be artists or songs that remind us of certain people in our lives both past and present. I’ve been revisiting this song and thinking about where I was when I first heard it. How different I am now and the new meanings these lyrics have taken on for me. The power of music is incredibly beautiful. 

So, there you have it – add a few, add ‘em all, or don’t add any. A good friend of mine often tells me you should only do what you want to do. I’m merely here to suggest music and share with you my thoughts and reflections to hope it’s entertaining enough that you keep on reading. 

Happy listening folks!

If We Could Turn Back Time (no..nope..not a Cher post…)

This past weekend I was having a talk with my partner about what things would be like if we didn’t have the current technology we have. If somehow the world time traveled back to before cellphones, streaming services, Google searches, and all that jazz. There are many benefits about the world we live in today, but in a world that is so deeply nostalgic for the past…there is no denying there are certain things that would be nice to still have around. 

The conversation had me really thinking about things that I wouldn’t mind from the past being more relevant in the future. And no… I’m definitely not going to be referring to the fashion sense that is recycling itself back around again (no shade, just my own truth) 

Anyway – there are many things I could have added to this list I am sure, but this is what I came up with late at night when I couldn’t think. 

+Landlines

No, you can’t access me everywhere and anywhere at anytime. I love cellphones, I think they are great – especially being able to download games other than snake on your phone. Part of me does fantasize about what it would be like to live as an adult in my 20s and 30s without people constantly having access to me. Maybe it is in the introvert in me, but sometimes it would be nice to say *sorry I missed your call I have been out all day*…knowing darn well I was sitting on the couch watching another re-run of the Golden Girls on Hallmark.

+Pizza Hut Buffets

Salad, pizza, and 90s aesthetic …. do I miss it? Absolutely. Pizza Hut used to be a whole experience, I don’t know how to describe it – you just had to be there. No other pepperocinis tasted as good as the ones in that salad bar.

+AOL instant messenger

The woes of my youth exist in the away messages I saved to use on a regular rotation. Was I ever actually away from the computer? No I shared a computer with my entire family – so away messages were more like the birth of my pettiness used to subtlety tell that person who just came online (because the AOL guy just made that door opening noise so I know) how I was feeling. And to add insult or a sign of the times..whichever way you’d like to interpret my usernames were: ripcurlgurl6675 and tdawg6675. Anyway my point is in its simplicity- it was almost like limited texting time with the option of telling people you were away so they won’t get a response right away. Why hasn’t that been invented for texting yet….

+MTV shows

Yes, there was a time when MTV played shows other than Ridiculousness on repeat. There was EVEN in a time when the Challenge did not look like an over the top action movie and was entertaining (yes I am looking forward to Challenge All Stars airing on April 1st). Looking back I feel lucky to have grown up when MTV had TRL (Total Request Live) and other ridiculous reality shows as well as some decent original shows as well.

+Speaking of MTV….MTV New Years, where’d that go?

Since ABC doesn’t allow anyone to watch their New Years Eve special unless you have actual cable we are stuck with some pretty awful specials that are sometimes cringe worthy. I miss when MTV used to have their special – would I know or like all of the content? Maybe not…but it would probably be better than what is offered now and would actually be filled with music acts.

+Okay so you’re bringing back video game systems but not the games I loved like Skitchin and California games…sure I love Mario and Sonic…but can’t we highlight the classic underrated games too?

+Skip-it

Some may be split down the middle on this – as I know this caused some people bruises and shin pain. But really, if you think about it, what a fun adult work out this could be…

+TV VHS Set-Up in the Classroom

To this day I am trying to seek the happiness adult equivalent to seeing this set-up in the classroom when I walked in.

What are some things you wish could make a come back from when you grew up? If not permanently maybe for like, a day? Like a Back to the Future kind of experience.

TV History & then some: Where Everybody Knows Your Name

*Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name…*
the theme song that most people know, even if they’ve never seen the iconic television series it belongs to. 

Just last week I had the privilege of receiving the vaccine, and let me just say that the second vaccine shot knocked me out for four days. In those days that I was stuck in bed – for the most part I was in and out of sleep. So, I needed to find something to watch that didn’t require too much of my attention.

By the title it isn’t hard to guess what I decided to watch – an old favorite of mine, Cheers…and yes when I watched it for the first time as a kid it was re-runs on Nick-at-Nite. 

Anyway, for years (before instant access to Google and wondering these things solely in our minds) I had always wondered why they switched out Shelley Long for Kirstie Alley. Never thinking too much into it because at the young age I adored both actresses (Shelley for her appearances in Troop Beverly Hills, Brady Bunch remakes amongst others..and Kirstie mostly for It Takes Two which I had on repeat) 

Re-watching the series and now having access to the internet with the energy I did muster to Google what had happened all of those years ago I had uncovered all of the controversy that was entangled within the show. 

Knowing what I know now and the experiences I have had thus far in this lifetime, I watched the show this time in a different lens. Here are my thoughts broken up into bullet points: 

  • The amount of misogyny in that show is just…gross. But it was expected for/a product of the time period…I’d like to point out what I believe to be the underrated funny characters of Diane Chambers and Carla Tortelli. Seriously, close your eyes. Now try to imagine Cheers without those two characters. Is it even worth watching? 
  • I loved Fraiser as a kid – mostly because I adored the female characters in the show and his Dad who always sat on the couch. Rewatching Kelsey Grammer’s character in Cheers and reading articles of how he would bash Shelley Long..on top of some absurd excerpts from his memoir? The character of Fraiser was not comically better than Diane Chambers, so I don’t understand the comparison between the two- or why his character was seemingly more beloved over her at the time (enough to get one of the most successful spin-offs in TV history…like…what?). Lilith (Bebe Neuwirth) was the best thing about Fraiser.
  • One thing that is certain: there is a difference between the first five seasons of Cheers when Shelley Long is there and all of the seasons after. The chemistry between Ted Danson and Shelley Long is there and it is in our faces- the two play so well off of eachother (the characters relationship itself is toxic, but the natural chemistry of the actors is undeniable). I never noticed the obvious difference between the replacement of the two actresses when I was younger – in fact I think I adored Kirstie Alley seasons more so. But noticing how well the character of Diane bounced off the characters that surrounded her with such effortless comedic timing was undoubtedly missing from season six on. 

In all of my pondering about revisiting shows I used to love and recognizing the cringe worthy parts – I am aware that it doesn’t take away what the show once meant to me. However, it is important that we recognize the problematic things that were once considered “okay”.

The history of television shows is proof that change, evolution, and learning from our past is necessary. 

One docu series that had me especially hype recently was Visible: Out on Television on Apple TV. There were five episodes total in the series, and it was validating for me as a Queer person who loved television growing up because it looked back upon television and the Queer history within it. Television was my comfort zone and where I often saw a reflection of myself or pieces of who I wanted to become. 

Another show that made a comeback on Paramount Pictures new streaming service was the original Real World Homecoming. After having just watched the original series over quarantine last year and recognizing the importance of the conversations that were had on that show way back when (okay okay it was just the 90s..). Bringing the show back now for a reunion, felt vital to revisit those conversations on race and privilege  for the world to witness in current time. These conversations are important to have, and television has the power to bring that dialogue into our homes. 

With all of this, I didn’t think I could write this piece without acknowledging the devastating hate crime (calling it what it is) shootings last week. The attacks in Atlanta are heartbreaking and add to the truth of racism that has been in existence in this country since it was stolen from Native Americans. However, more recently it has been highlighted in the media due to the deaths that happened last year that had people finally waking up to protest for Black Lives Matter.

I have not always been a great ally or advocate, but the important thing that I have gained over the years is that we learn, we listen, and we do our part in stopping the continuance of the racist happenings around us.

Personally, I am on my own journey of learning and listening to be a better advocate and ally to Black, Indigenious, People of Color. The attacks last week that I mentioned earlier were intentionally hate filled and as a result eight people lost their life – specifically six Asian women. History is repeating itself, and we are living history – the time to do something is/was yesterday, today, & infinitely. 

I have been voicing to Stop Asian Hate, and that doesn’t feel like enough – because it is not. Donating is ONE of many things allies can do – so here are a few organizations just to name a few: APIENC, CAAAV, AALEAD, NQAPIA

To circle back to the start of this piece….television is where we learn many things, especially windows into other cultures and peoples lives. My brain wanders..like A LOT at all times…. and all of the above has had me thinking, because in a way all of this feels like it intersects (because it does). 

What we once knew is not always truth, and sometimes actually harmful- we just don’t always recognize it at the time. Or like I once learned: I don’t know what I don’t know. 

So, when we do know or learn – it is our responsibility to ourselves and the world we live in to acknowledge that things change.

Change is good.

We can appreciate something for what we once loved and knew it to be – with also acknowledging it is problematic. 

Do we really want to be caterpillars our whole lives, or wouldn’t we rather all evolve into butterflies?

I’d Rather Be Dancing

By – Tray Taylor
IG: @allusiontoreality

I’ve hit the wall of my introvert-ness where I desperately miss going out to the gay bar dancing the night away with friends. It feels like such a distant memory- but I long for the days where we can return safely to storming the dance floor again. Or even take over the streets at Outfest and dance until we can no longer stand. 

So, in all of this grieving of times that used to be- I’ve been trying to think what would we all be dancing to right now? What would get my friends to grab my arm to join them on the dance floor (as if we ever really leave it)?

In the club that has existed in my mind for the past year this is what I assumed we would have been listening to had we been *safely* allowed to dance the night away together:

Up – Cardi B (explicit)

When this song recently came out I just imagined how excited I would’ve been to go out this weekend (if that was a thing I was doing right now or in the past). With all the new music that has come out this past year it has made me truly mourn the times that would’ve been in any other circumstance. Songs like this make me really wish I could substitute dancing by myself in my apartment to being on a dance floor surrounded by my friends.

Best Friend – Saweetie, Doja Cat (explicit)

This hype music is needed right now, but it also makes me so sad because I miss my friends. In the club of my mind I am playing this song surrounded by my friends and we’re just happy to be together. If you’re not into dancing on the floor and prefer dancing in your car – this song is also suitable for that.

I Wanna Dance With Somebody – Whitney Houston

This was actually the last song I danced to at a bar. I was at ALOHO (A League of Her Own) in DC with my partner and the whole dance floor went wild when the song came on, because well, duh – Whitney. I’ve suggested this song before, and I will probably suggest it again. When this song comes on my body needs to dance. My acceptance of my Queerness is so intertwined with Whitney and her music that it just instantly puts me in a good mood. It’s also a gay bar classic.

If I Could Turn Back Time – Cher


If this were one of the first songs to play when everyone is allowed to return to being *safely* packed like sardines at the bar, I think the gaggle of gays would lose it. We lost an entire year of being together, and in that year we lost a lot of people that we loved. If there’s anytime to wish we could turn back time, I think it is now. Whenever Cher comes on though, my friend and I absolutely lose it – and I love that he loves her just as much as I. Fun fact: did you know I have a Cher pillow in my apartment? Furthermore did you know my friends put a Cher cut-out at the head of the table of my going away party in Philly? Yeah…it’s that real.

Savage Remix – Megan Thee Stallion ft. Beyonce (explicit)

Okay so when this dropped we missed out on being able to celebrate this track together on the dance floor, but we also missed out on what would’ve been a mind-blowing concert. Although the one she put on virtually was spectacular. This song was out of this world, but the remix? Speechless, no words.

34+35 – Ariana Grande (explicit)

Would it be a night out if you don’t hear Ariana Grande playing? Not in the Gayborhood, I’ll tell you that. She dropped an album and we weren’t even allowed to fully appreciate it by dancing the night away together. I miss the nights where the music hasn’t been great and then an Ariana Grande song comes on and everyone suddenly becomes alive again.

Rain on Me- Lady Gaga feat. Ariana Grande

I was indifferent about this song when it first dropped, but then it slowly was the song I had on repeat that was getting me through quarantine (or queerantine as I like to call it). This would have been the perfect song to dance to at Pride or even Outfest – but instead we all danced by ourselves in our homes or watched virtual Drag shows with this song being performed. This is one song I cannot wait to hear whenever we allowed to safely crowd together on the dance floor. Also this is my nephew’s favorite song and his fabulous video performance made up for the sadness that I was not able to dance the night away with friends to this song.

Always Be My Baby – Mariah Carey


Mostly this just reminds me of the one time I was sitting at a bar in the Fruit Loop of Vegas and everyone began singing this song word for word. This was summer 2019 – so one of the last big trips I had taken and probably one of the highlights for me from the trip (minus seeing Janet Jacket because – that takes all the cakes). Did it make me adore the gay scene in Vegas? Sure…but more importantly it was a reminder to me about how much I love belonging to the Queer community. Even strangers can feel like family for an entire length of a Mariah Carey song.

Disclaimer: There are many more songs that came out and classics that often play that I know I didn’t include in this list.These tracks just happened to come to my mind first.

I love a night in. Who am I kidding? I love an entire weekend in. Part of me though loves a night out – I can manage to muster the energy especially for friends and a night of dancing. The introvert in me hasn’t minded being at home for the past year, but there is a huge part of me that has grieved all of the usual outings that may have happened (Pride, Outfest, and a few trips to other cities – especially my first love Philadelphia). 

My Queer family – I love you deeply and I can’t wait to dance with you all again.