Tag Archives: lgbt blogger

I’d Rather Be Dancing

I’ve hit the wall of my introvert-ness where I desperately miss going out to the gay bar dancing the night away with friends. It feels like such a distant memory- but I long for the days where we can return safely to storming the dance floor again. Or even take over the streets at Outfest and dance until we can no longer stand.

So, in all of this grieving of times that used to be- I’ve been trying to think what would we all be dancing to right now? What would get my friends to grab my arm to join them on the dance floor (as if we ever really leave it)?

In the club that has existed in my mind for the past year this is what I assumed we would have been listening to had we been *safely* allowed to dance the night away together:

Up – Cardi B (explicit)

When this song recently came out I just imagined how excited I would’ve been to go out this weekend (if that was a thing I was doing right now or in the past). With all the new music that has come out this past year it has made me truly mourn the times that would’ve been in any other circumstance. Songs like this make me really wish I could substitute dancing by myself in my apartment to being on a dance floor surrounded by my friends.

Best Friend – Saweetie, Doja Cat (explicit)

This hype music is needed right now, but it also makes me so sad because I miss my friends. In the club of my mind I am playing this song surrounded by my friends and we’re just happy to be together. If you’re not into dancing on the floor and prefer dancing in your car – this song is also suitable for that.

I Wanna Dance With Somebody – Whitney Houston

This was actually the last song I danced to at a bar. I was at ALOHO (A League of Her Own) in DC with my partner and the whole dance floor went wild when the song came on, because well, duh – Whitney. I’ve suggested this song before, and I will probably suggest it again. When this song comes on my body needs to dance. My acceptance of my Queerness is so intertwined with Whitney and her music that it just instantly puts me in a good mood. It’s also a gay bar classic.

If I Could Turn Back Time – Cher

If this were one of the first songs to play when everyone is allowed to return to being *safely* packed like sardines at the bar, I think the gaggle of gays would lose it. We lost an entire year of being together, and in that year we lost a lot of people that we loved. If there’s anytime to wish we could turn back time, I think it is now. Whenever Cher comes on though, my friend and I absolutely lose it – and I love that he loves her just as much as I. Fun fact: did you know I have a Cher pillow in my apartment? Furthermore did you know my friends put a Cher cut-out at the head of the table of my going away party in Philly? Yeah…it’s that real.

Savage Remix – Megan Thee Stallion ft. Beyonce (explicit)

Okay so when this dropped we missed out on being able to celebrate this track together on the dance floor, but we also missed out on what would’ve been a mind-blowing concert. Although the one she put on virtually was spectacular. This song was out of this world, but the remix? Speechless, no words.

34+35 – Ariana Grande (explicit)

Would it be a night out if you don’t hear Ariana Grande playing? Not in the Gayborhood, I’ll tell you that. She dropped an album and we weren’t even allowed to fully appreciate it by dancing the night away together. I miss the nights where the music hasn’t been great and then an Ariana Grande song comes on and everyone suddenly becomes alive again.

Rain on Me- Lady Gaga feat. Ariana Grande

I was indifferent about this song when it first dropped, but then it slowly was the song I had on repeat that was getting me through quarantine (or queerantine as I like to call it). This would have been the perfect song to dance to at Pride or even Outfest – but instead we all danced by ourselves in our homes or watched virtual Drag shows with this song being performed. This is one song I cannot wait to hear whenever we allowed to safely crowd together on the dance floor. Also this is my nephew’s favorite song and his fabulous video performance made up for the sadness that I was not able to dance the night away with friends to this song.

Always Be My Baby – Mariah Carey

Mostly this just reminds me of the one time I was sitting at a bar in the Fruit Loop of Vegas and everyone began singing this song word for word. This was summer 2019 – so one of the last big trips I had taken and probably one of the highlights for me from the trip (minus seeing Janet Jacket because – that takes all the cakes). Did it make me adore the gay scene in Vegas? Sure…but more importantly it was a reminder to me about how much I love belonging to the Queer community. Even strangers can feel like family for an entire length of a Mariah Carey song.

Disclaimer: There are many more songs that came out and classics that often play that I know I didn’t include in this list.These tracks just happened to come to my mind first.

I love a night in. Who am I kidding? I love an entire weekend in. Part of me though loves a night out – I can manage to muster the energy especially for friends and a night of dancing. The introvert in me hasn’t minded being at home for the past year, but there is a huge part of me that has grieved all of the usual outings that may have happened (Pride, Outfest, and a few trips to other cities – especially my first love Philadelphia).

My Queer family – I love you deeply and I can’t wait to dance with you all again.

Music is Meditation

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Poetry has always felt like meditation in a way, from my perspective. Words that paint a landscape for us if only just for a few stanzas.

When I write my poetry I feel like I am in a zone of only my thoughts and for those moments – I am at total peace.

I have tried to bring meditation into my everyday life for the past few years (recommendation from my therapist, and just something I thought would be better for my mental well being). I started to keep track of the days I meditated back in December, then a good friend invited me to do a meditation challenge for 15 days. *which I was doing well with, until the weekend hit*

Music does something similar – it gives us different perspectives into different worlds if only for a few minutes in a song.

I’ve been trying to think of the songs I turn on when I need to just get lost in the music and be present in reflection. These were some of the songs that came to mind right away for myself:

World Spins Madly On – The Weepies

I don’t know exactly when I fell in love with this song, but I think it happens every single time I listen to it. As I type this and have this song playing in the background – I am reminded how similar poetry and music are. Lyrics are poetry, and I think this song is a testament to that. “And the world spins madly on…”

Baby Can I Hold You – Tracy Chapman

Oh Tracy Chapman, how I could listen to her sing for hours upon hours of any day of the week. When I need to really “feel” I will put on certain songs of Tracy’s. “Baby Can I Hold You” is the song I like to play when I just want to get lost in her voice and her lyrics. A perfect three minute meditation of Tracy Chapman.

Brace feat. Rainsford – Twin Shadow

A couple of years ago I used to listen to this song on repeat on my way to work whenever I was trying to channel myself into a good headspace. I went through a solid few months where I only listened to Twin Shadow. If you’ve never listened to them, I highly recommend adding them to your playlist. I like to seek songs that remind me I am not alone in the way I am feeling, and Twin Shadow tends to have those lyrics I need in the right moments.

Tilted – Christine and the Queens

This is a song I had on repeat for awhile after discovering it on the season finale of Better Things (have you seen this show? Go watch it. Pamela Adlon is a treasure). Mostly because that scene brought me so much joy, but also the lyrics (that are originally in French) are like damn yes a message we all need 100 percent.

Ship to Wreck – Florence and the Machine

I didn’t fully appreciate Florence and the Machine until I saw them live a couple of years ago with a few good friends. It was a special night that I really needed at the time, and I’ll say they were the right group of friends to experience this concert with. I fell in love with this song that night. Also grew a greater appreciation for Florence as an artist. This song pulls me into myself for a couple of minutes and allows me to sing out loud in meditation to cleanse my soul & feel my heart beat a little louder.

Runaway Goliath – Mantaraybryn

No clue how I found this song, I assume it was from a Spotify rabbithole that I tend to go down. For a whole year I had this song on repeat (because my self esteem needed it bad). I loved getting lost in this song- and I still appreciate getting lost in it every now and again. The beauty of music is the power it has of reminding us of our worth or it can just give us hope that darkness isn’t meant to be permanent.

A Better Son/Daughter – Rilo Kiley

Jenny Lewis is everything and Rilo Kiley is a musical gift. There are many Rilo Kiley songs that I like to play, so it’s difficult to choose just one. This is a song that, if you aren’t a huge fan, many people don’t know. I think my favorite part is hearing the emotion of Jenny Lewis in the song, how it breaks from her speaking in the beginning and then her emotion continues to build throughout the song. And you can feel it – in the lyrics and her voice.

I Got a Name – Jim Croce

My favorite artist to listen to on vinyl is Jim Croce. I love almost every single one of his songs and know them all by heart. “I Got a Name” always brings me back to my college years and listening to this record in my old apartment when I didn’t know what the future held (I mean, do I know now? No..but you get what I mean). I’ve always been a dreamer, and I think this song sums it up for me….”Like the fool I am, and I’ll always be/I’ve got a dream, I’ve got a dream/ They can change their minds, but they can’t change me.”

Do you have any of those kinds of songs that you find putting on in time when you need to recenter?

The Sounds of Joy

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When I first started this blog, it was mostly so I could get into the habit of daily writing again. Something I knew would bring me happiness, and maybe a few people would like to read what I had to say.

Lately, I have been trying to figure out what it is I want to keep sharing on this blog or if I should have a particular focus. I concluded that …I don’t think I have a conclusion on that.

I am a lover of music, pop culture, books, and many things that most folks don’t particularly know about me. So far, that is what I have been sharing on this blog – sharing pieces of myself & the things I love. And I think that is how I will continue – for now.

On another note…don’t you love weekends that feel like resets? That is what I had this weekend, and it was beautiful.

For the first time since the beginning of March I looked forward to a Zoom call. I was able to connect with a good friend, catch up, and talk about our experiences with writing. Incredibly refreshing and fired me up with motivation.

The other highlight from this weekend was decorating for my favorite holiday. Yes I am a person that decorates way too early, and no I have no shame in that.

My new fiber optic tree that is giving me all the vibes of joy that I knew I needed this year.

But I do know it is way too early to start writing about the meaning of Christmas, so I will transition into a few song suggestions that are guaranteed to bring you a sense of joy and wonder…not holiday related.

1. I am America – Shea Diamond

Okay…have you watched We’re Here on HBO or are you light years beyond everything that is fabulously Queer in the world? This is the theme song to the show, and let me just say… I sincerely think there should be a petition for this to be the new Queer anthem of the US. Anyway, listen to the song and go watch the TV show on HBO (no excuse if you don’t have HBO, free trials exist ya’ll…)

2. I Love Yous – Hailee Steinfeld

Yes, you are right this song sounds familiar because it is a sample off of Annie Lennox’s “No More I Love You’s”. Maybe this song is for you, maybe it isn’t … I will say for me – I had this song on repeat for months when it first dropped a few months back. It’s catchy and allows you to be overly dramatic as if you’re living in a break-up scene in a movie.

3. To R. – Father John Misty

My music taste is all over the spectrum, I know. Father John Misty reminds me a bit of Nick Drake (I said a bit). I am a fan of his music, and I discovered his music from another one of my favorites who listens to him – Geographer. If you’re looking for music to relax to, I fully recommend this song.

4. So Emotional – Whitney Houston

Sometimes I just need to dance it out, and I usually turn Whitney on when I need to do that. It is amazing how healing breaking out into randomly dancing can be. Between this song, and “I Want to Dance With Somebody” …I know what artist I can depend on to dance me out of any funk.

5. Sugar Baby – Megan Thee Stallion

I don’t think I could call myself a fan of music if I didn’t recognize a song off of Megan Thee Stallion’s debut album (that just dropped on Friday). This is one of my favorite songs off the album, simply because of the beat and the feel good vibe to it. The entire album deserves a listen because, damn that woman is dripping with talent.

Remember, even in our darkest of days – there is still music to shimmer some light into the cracks.

Pretzels & Poetry

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Let me start off by saying, I know I can’t be the only one who has felt topsy-turvy over the past few weeks.

This year I have been allowing myself to feel those kinds of feelings, but I am regretful that my weekly blog posting has suffered because of it.

I’m keeping it short, simple, and savory today.

A friend of mine that I used to coach with has been baking a lot of scrumptious things and recently she went on a soft pretzel baking spree. I love a good soft pretzel – anytime, anywhere. So seeing her post these delicious homemade ones made me curious to attempt to bake them myself.

I love to bake, but mostly cookies and cakes. So, I had never purchased yeast before and I didn’t know where I was supposed to find it in the grocery store (full disclosure I truly thought you had to go to some sort of organic or hipster grocery store to find it – go ahead laugh, I know.)

Thankfully my friend did not judge my ignorance and told me I could find packets of yeast in the baking aisle of a grocery store (this was my complete duh moment, but still forever grateful for her help in upping my adulting points.)

Shout out to the pretzel bites in the back because I dropped half the dough for what was supposed to be a sixth pretzel…

They turned out decent for my first attempt … except mine were thicker than expected. If you’re interested these are the ingredients I used (some modifications due to recommendation):

1 1/2 cups warm water
1 tablespoon salt
1 tablespoon sugar
1 packet active dry yeast
4 cups of flour
3 tablespoons of oil, divided
1/3 cup of baking soda
2 eggs, beaten
Sea Salt to top them off (because I couldn’t find coarse salt)

The rest of the steps can be found on Tasty through this link.

And I would like to end this post today with a poem that pops back into my mind every year around the holiday season. A good friend of mine shared it with me and I am forever grateful she did – so this is my gift to my readers, to pass it on to you all in hopes that you too appreciate it.

“I Invite My Parents to a Dinner Party” by Chen Chen
found on Poets.org

In the invitation, I tell them for the seventeenth time
(the fourth in writing), that I am gay.

In the invitation, I include a picture of my boyfriend
& write, You’ve met him two times. But this time,

you will ask him things other than can you pass the
whatever. You will ask him

about him. You will enjoy dinner. You will be
enjoyable. Please RSVP.

They RSVP. They come.
They sit at the table & ask my boyfriend

the first of the conversation starters I slip them
upon arrival: How is work going?

I’m like the kid in Home Alone, orchestrating
every movement of a proper family, as if a pair

of scary yet deeply incompetent burglars
is watching from the outside.

My boyfriend responds in his chipper way.
I pass my father a bowl of fish ball soup—So comforting,

isn’t it? My mother smiles her best
Sitting with Her Son’s Boyfriend

Who Is a Boy Smile. I smile my Hurray for Doing
a Little Better Smile.

Everyone eats soup.
Then, my mother turns

to me, whispers in Mandarin, Is he coming with you
for Thanksgiving? My good friend is & she wouldn’t like

this. I’m like the kid in Home Alone, pulling
on the string that makes my cardboard mother

more motherly, except she is
not cardboard, she is

already, exceedingly my mother. Waiting
for my answer.

While my father opens up
a Boston Globe, when the invitation

clearly stated: No security
blankets. I’m like the kid

in Home Alone, except the home
is my apartment, & I’m much older, & not alone,

& not the one who needs
to learn, has to—Remind me

what’s in that recipe again, my boyfriend says
to my mother, as though they have always, easily

talked. As though no one has told him
many times, what a nonlinear slapstick meets

slasher flick meets psychological
pit he is now co-starring in.

Remind me, he says
to our family.

Let it Rain into Self-Motivation

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Whenever it rains, especially for consecutive days – I always wish I was living in Seattle. I sometimes ponder to myself, if I have to deal with rainy days – why can’t it be in my favorite city?

I have had a thing for Seattle since my pre-teen years, and I don’t really know where the origin of my love for the city came from (I’ve only visited once, and this was way after I self declared it as my favorite city).

I do know my love for the city increased once Grey’s Anatomy premiered when I was in middle school (Yes my Sundays and Thursdays were once dedicated to that show & nothing else. No I don’t still watch, I stopped after Sandra Oh left the show).

*The above photos are from the ONE and ONLY trip I have ever taken to Seattle. (yes, it was a spontaneous trip that I booked last minute, solo for my 25th birthday.)*

The truth is, I have been in a “anywhere but here” mindset lately – as I assume many of us may be. It has made it easier to lose sight of what I can be doing to take care of myself and my own well being.

So this week, with intention, I made a list of goals (I love lists, I am guilty of that).

At the end of my list, I wrote a reminder to myself: If you stay focused, and get it done – you will find success. Easier said/written than done? Sure.

However, “success” is how YOU define it – and for me success is accomplishing what I want to get done to build towards my future self. As if I am investing in my future self – that to me is success.

Do lists work for you? Have you ever tried making a list- whether it is 2,3,5, or 10 things?

Need an example of a few things? (I’ll share a few that were on mine – I only wrote about 8 things) Don’t be afraid to start small, sometimes creating larger lists sets us up for disappointment, instead of “success”.

A few off of my list:

-Cook a comforting meal
-Work on manuscript for book
-Create more art/paintings
-Schedule daily time to exercise (like, two days)
-Submit more writings for publication

Crossed off the cooking a comforting meal off of my list last night. I love making chili this time of year, and it always has to spicy. As most things need to be that I eat.

Try it, make a list, and see if it works. Maybe it won’t, but at least you can say you tried.

And to end this rainy day post.. I’ll leave you with a song that I’ve had on repeat for the majority of this week…

Traci Tay

A queer writer & librarian with a pop culture infatuation