Tag Archives: autumn

Is This Thing On?

“You Matter, I Promise”
By Tray Taylor
IG @allusiontoreality

This past month has been excruciatingly hard for a number of reasons. I’ve been getting by this year at a “meh” pace – but these past few weeks I have felt on the edge of crumbling.

And today, well, I almost felt as if I was drowning.

Side note: I’ve struggled with depression the majority of my life and as the years go on anxiety is finding its way into my life too. Not to mention the herniated discs/on-going back issues I’ve had since 23 (when I said I was an old soul, I wasn’t expecting my body to follow suit).

Anyway – it has been a bumpy journey and it has felt like the cycle just won’t stop. And I know I am not alone in any of this, which is why I felt compelled to write this post.

This afternoon I reached a breaking point and I knew I needed to do something.

So, I went outside to clear my head and get some fresh air. For a brief moment I stood beneath my favorite tree just across the street from my apartment that turns beaming bright orange this time of year.

My moment of re-centering

I have felt defeated, voiceless, uncertain, and heavy lately- but in that moment I felt at peace.

After that brief moment of joy – I continued on my walk, turned my headphones up, went back to overthinking just about everything, and strolled to the store to pick up some wine.

So, I lend this moment to you. To everyone who has felt a bit scattered, alone, or just not themselves lately.

Allow yourself a moment to feel and re-center. Whatever that may look like.

(And I’d like to share with ya’ll the song that always seems to soothe my soul in moments such as these … *Joni Mitchell – River*)

Can You Smell That?

“The Intimacy of Heartbeats”
by Tray Taylor
IG: @allusiontoreality

What I intended to write about today no longer resonated with me after the end of the workday I just had. I felt I needed to write about something that would bring me pleasure and pass that on.

Some Mondays really are prickly than others.

I went out walking earlier this morning (during my break from virtually working) and I kept thinking how much I enjoy going for a walk this time of year. Mostly for the way the air smells so cold, crisp, and fresh in its own way. The skies seem bluer and the scenery more honest.

The walk reminded me of the way particular scents have a way of grounding and relaxing me.

My Dad was a chef (he is now retired) when I was growing up and he was always cooking or baking something which would smell throughout our house. Even on his days off he never stayed out of the kitchen for too long (as an adult I miss his cooking which has forced me into trying to emulate what I learned and continue to learn from him in the kitchen).

The humor, looks, charm, and culinary skills I possess I owe to this guy (my Dad).

I vividly remember the times I would come home from school, work, or practice and I could smell dinner from the moment my car pulled up to the driveway. And if he wasn’t cooking or baking – he was always burning a candle.

These sense of smell memories keep flooding back and suddenly I feel calmer than I did at the start of this post (writing is magic).

As my mind continues to wander down scent memory lane – there are the times I remember waking up with my window open and the smell of him cutting the grass. It’s funny to recall all of the smells that take me back to that yellow house and younger times.

What are the other scents that I can recall in this moment and the feelings/words I associate with them?

  • Ocean/Beach (home)
  • Campfire (warmth)
  • Mom-mom’s Sunday cooking (love)
  • Vanilla (childhood)
  • Lavender (growing up)
  • Coffee (Dad)
  • Books (inspiration)
  • Apple-cinnamon (comfort)

Honestly, my list is more than likely longer than this – but the point is to just list and relax. So, I encourage you – can you think of 5, 10, or more smells that bring you comfort?

My next task is to go cook dinner and hope that my apartment will fill up with some delicious, comforting smells.

Seek joy and sit with it (or smell it).